I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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