You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
