on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
