dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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