my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
