If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
