She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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