I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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