Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he puts the penis in happiness.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
