I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
