I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
