omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
