Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
