and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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