Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
