im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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