Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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