Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
