I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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