i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
