They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
