The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
