Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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