i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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