Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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