i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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