If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
