Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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