The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
