I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
