Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize