Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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