Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
