I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
