I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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