The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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