You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This house was built for laser tag.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
