I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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