Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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