he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
