I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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