Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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