it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
