just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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