Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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