Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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