I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
