Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
