Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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