I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
