Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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