Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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