so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
