I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
