I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
