so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have surprise drugs for everyone
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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