you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
40s are totally the cure
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
