i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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