I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
