That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
