if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize