i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I could make wine with my vomit
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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