Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
