never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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