I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
