My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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