The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
