Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Dear god my vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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