Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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