I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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