Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
