no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
