Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize