fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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