Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
