so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we're so committed to being not committed
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
