I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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