i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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