apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
