Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
