I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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