Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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