It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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