I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
