That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
