He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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