Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
