I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
