I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
did i walk over a car last night?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
