I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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