Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
