if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
