girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
