The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
