I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
