she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Barsexuality is the new black.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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