i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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