Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
